The Shy Guy’s Guide to Approaching Women – The Basics

There’s a lot of great advice out there on the Net these days for guys looking to improve their success with women. The problem is, most guys are not actually confident enough to use this stuff. They buy an ebook or an audio program that teaches them a whole lot of funny lines…and then they don’t have the confidence to actually start a conversation with a woman in the first place. For a lot of men, being shy is the reality they have to live with day to day, assuming there’s nothing they can do to change this and it’s just ‘who they are.’ However, this is not actually the case. It is possible to learn confidence.

Personally, I went from being too shy to ask a stranger for the time to being able to approach women I had never met before on the street and, in most situations, get a phone number within two minutes. All this happened within the space of about six months. These are the first practical, no-nonsense steps you can follow to develop your confidence to the same levels. To quote Lao-tzu: “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”

So start small. If you can’t even maintain eye contact when you are talking to someone, obviously you won’t be ready to walk up to a girl you have never met and ask her out on a date. Here’s a practical exercise for you: For the next three days, spend at least twenty minutes at a public place like a mall, supermarket or a busy street, and ask at least three different people for the time. (You might want to take your watch off first!) It doesn’t matter if it’s a man or a woman at this stage, but obviously it’s better if they are women you’re attracted to. (Although when I was learning, I often asked old grannies because they were the least intimidating.)

The key here is to hold eye contact the whole time while you’re talking to them. Alternatively, you can ask for directions somewhere. It doesn’t matter too much what you ask, as long as it’s innocent and there is absolutely no risk of being personally rejected. This will get you comfortable talking to strangers in public and seeing that it’s actually okay and most people are friendly. At this stage don’t worry about trying to stop people who are walking – focus on people who are standing still, maybe at a bus stop or looking in a shop window.

Example: “Excuse me, do you have the time?”

Key things to remember: eye contact and SMILE when you approach.

When you are comfortable approaching someone and asking for the time, you’re ready for the next level. This can be a little harder the first few times you do it, but the idea here is to slowly expand your comfort zone little by little. So the next thing you’re going to do is ask a stranger for advice. You’re going to want to do this exercise at the mall. Go into a bookstore, clothing store, or whatever, and ask one of the customers browsing the racks for advice on buying a gift. Also, don’t sneak up on them – make sure they know you are there before you start talking. Here’s something you might say:

(Remember to SMILE and relax all your muscles) “Hi there,” (make sure you have eye contact before you continue) “Can you help me out for a second? I’m looking for a birthday present for my sister but I’m totally clueless what to get. You look like you’re about the same age as her. Can you recommend anything?”

If you’re relaxed and smiling, this might lead into a nice little conversation. It may just lead to her giving you a recommendation, or she might say she has no idea. By all means, if the conversation is going well go for a date or a phone number, but that’s not the objective of the task. Half the reason guys get nervous when they want to approach a woman is that they are too focused on a particular outcome that they have in mind: getting a date, getting a phone number, getting a girlfriend, etc. So to alleviate the pressure, go into the interaction with no goal in mind other than having the interaction itself. As long as you are talking to strangers at this point, you are succeeding. The only real failure is in never trying.